the divorce….

SHATTERED….. 

..she took the cab back home…she didnt know wat to feel…or wat to think…”why dont u come and stay with us for a while….u shldnt be alone…”…..her parents requested….so did her friends…but then she felt that noone could really understand  or relate to her situation right now……she just refused…and called for a cab…she felt light headed….numb….street lights reflected by the glass….and she was blinded momemtarily by the head lights of an arriving car from the opposite lane…….

…her thoughts went back to the first time they met……

it was her first day at the job….it was a start up company…and recruited many freshers like her….days went by…and she made a few friends here and there….the first month was just induction….so nothing much really was happening….she felt real lonely inside….she was far awya from home and her friends…and ppl arnd were just good for a small chit chat…but apart from that…she cldnt really connect to anyone…until she met him…….when she first saw him in the crowd…nohting really rang in her head or heart..or wherever its supposed to ring….everyone was divided into groups..for the purpose of induction…they were in the same group…….thats how they started talking..he seemed more sensible compared to the other artifical bugs arnd….at times she just thot he was being nice like everyone does at the start…..but as she spent more time with him….she noticed her increased liking for him….the day he wldnt call her for lunch….or wldnt offer to drop her off home…she wld wonder the entire night as to wat went wrong……thats when she realised her feelings for him….”ure just being immature….uve hardly known him for a week..” she would tell herself…..”and anyway…he luks toooo good for u..wake up girl!!”…

the brakes of the cab shook her back to the present…..she luked arnd lost…she recognized her building…she was back to reality….her heart just sunk….she managed to be strong all this time..she made it a point to not cry infront of anyone…especially him……she just paid the cab guy…got off….even before she unlocked the door…tears started rolling down…she managed to get into her apartment….fell to the floor….and wept uncontrollably….she cldnt believe it…she wld have the divorced tag all her life now…………………..

…THE ORION ALWAYS WORKS…..

..”and there…u see..theres the orion…”….she pointed into the starlit winter sky….they were on the terrace just unwinding after a tiring day at induction….it was her idea to watch the stars….actually all she wanted was some quiet private time with him…and he didnt mind it a bit….

hours passed by….they talked abt their pasts…abt their families…abt everything they could think of….all coz they didnt wanna end it there and head back to their rooms…after running outta topics…they sat quiet…beside each other…it was nearing midnight…and all the streets and houses were sleeping…except them..she shivered in the cold….he put his hand arnd her..and she cuddled into him…to feel warm….she could almost hear violins play…and wanted to run arnd like a small little girl who got her much awaited gift…”i think…”…..he stopped midway…..she looked at him…”wat?”….they were whispering now….maybe out of fear…the cold…or just the moment….they looked at each other…she went all numb….all she cld see were his eyes….so honest….so innocent….”you have beautiful eyes…” he said…..a sudden smile popped onto her face….and her eyes twinkled….and the next thing she knew…they were kissing….it wasnt her first kiss or anything….but then never did she feel so protected….so cared for………………

but this was all long ago….she just put back his photo into the album…and stacked all their pics and albums….to throw away….she didnt want anything arnd to mock her ….or remind her of him….them…….

….the phone rang…..she so hoped against all hopes….that it wld be him….maybe like those bollywood movies…where the hero comes back for his herione after all…..it was her dad…”hey kid…u doing ok?…”…..she made the conversation as short as possible….and hung up…she switched off the lights…settled down in her bed…and closed her eyes……”…love u too my king…”……………..

 DEAD END?……….

 …”NO!….i dont understand!”…she screamed in frustration….they were quiet …..he cldnt find anymore words to justify himself….she never could really understand why was he soo hesitant to say the words….”…u agree that u cant live without me……u say uve never been so close to anyone else….u say u want to be with my all the time….then why the fuck do u find it so tough to say ‘i love u’…”……he just luked down…….he felt rotten abt this..but then he was really confused….he wasnt faking it….she cld sense that….and thats wat hurt more…..she realised she was just acting stupid…noone can force someone to love them…..”….im sorry ….but i just want to be sure when i say them….and,….”….he was interrupted….”….hey…i shld be sorry…ure right…its just tat….i wish u wld feel the same as i do…”…..”…ok..fuck all this….wat abt that movie we were supposed to catch..??”….he smiled…she had the nack for totally jumping topics whnever things got too uncomfortable..and right now….he welcomed this jump….but they both knew that it wasnt really over..this conversation wld pop up sometime again….and it wld end up at the same dead end………..

thats wat she felt now…that her life has reached a dead end….its not that they were living together the last 5 months or so…her daily routine really didnt demand his presence…but then..today…from the time she woke up..she felt that something was missing….she didnt get his daily call….the calls did decrease drastically in the last one month…but she didnt take it seriously…”maybe thats where i went wrong..” she thought…..she shifted her thoughts from blaming herself…she had been doing a lot of blaming for the past few weeks..and she was tired now…she dressed up for work….
..she stepped into her work place….after that round of fake “good mornings” and fake smiles…she settled down at her computer….her mind was totally blank….and her fingers just rested at her keyboard…it was like she was spaced in from a totally different dimension to the seat…she took a while to digest things going on around her….”hey!”….prakash screamed from across her cabin….”wheres that file u were supposed to send me??”…..she fumed…now she knew where she was…she was in this place filled with heartless robots yelling for files and no.s which dont make any sense!….”ok…no blaming…no blaming..”….she repeated….another fake smile crossed her face…”ill be sending it now…”….and then the day just passed by typing…answering calls….tallying nos….she did manage to tally the nos….but something didnt tally in her life…….infact nothing did…she opened her inbox…..and saw his old mails……she had kept all of them…..she highlited all of them..and in go…..SHIFT+DELETE!